NO I HAVEN'T STARTED!!!

Forgive the shouty title and the exclamation marks. I normally hate them but this time of year and without being too bah humbug about it, just make me want to get my forehead tattooed with something like "No, I haven't started my shopping now ask me a fucking interesting question or don't ask me at all". But that would be a bit long and not very attractive for a tattoo. And besides, I'm a nice person really...on the facade...scratch a bit and I'm a narky old woman with a cancerous knot.

Why do people go stupid at this time of year? Or are they stupid all year round and this just brings out the worst in them? I suspect the latter. Don't you hate those smug bastards who have everything wrapped in September? Well I don't want your early pressie that you probably bought in March when you were breezing through BHS and saw that it had 20% off. I'm actually offended that I might have gone through your mind as the sort of person who would like that sort of tat in those circumstances. Think of me as the drunken cow who dances inappropriately at weddings or the one who hates mustard or anything... just not someone who would like a nice neat nightie for £7.99. Wrapped three months before I open it...

And as for e - cards. For fuck's sake what is that all about? I'd rather have no card than an e - card. I can't hang an e - card up. I can't recycle it. Which I would if it's the environment you were worried about. And it certainly doesn't make me think - "ooh, shit, I forgot them. Better run the Post Office right now". No, it just makes the knot grow bigger as I click on the present, click on the tree, click on Santa's fucking nose... Oh how I wish Mille Jackson had written a song about this.

So, bringing out the worst in people? That's friggin' obvious.