I haven't even delighted you with fake tales of San Francisco...Las Vegas...and LA and I have three new little Kirkby Girls to introduce you to. Technically they're from Frodsham but I'm hoping they'll come to idolise their leader over the next few days.
They are in fact, chickens. Hens. Supplier of tasty eggs for the family for many months to come. So new that only one of them has been christened yet. She's Martha and she's white.
Pictures and all that come with it over the next few days. Deadlines, schmeadlines...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
I need an audience...
Or at least to know that one is there...
Father's Day is a short film by Steve Hughes starring Yours Truly. Watch and comment away for God's sake.
Attention Seeking Bitch
Father's Day is a short film by Steve Hughes starring Yours Truly. Watch and comment away for God's sake.
Attention Seeking Bitch
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
It's blogging girl, but not as we know it...
I've stolen this from The Queen of Staving off... who in turn stole it from someone else but it seems as good a way as any to keep you entertained until I can get my shit together with witty stories from San Luis Obisbpo and the likes...
1. My uncle once: led a double life, like a soap cliché.
2. Never in my life: will I vote Tory.
3. When I was five: I looked like one of The Children of the Damned.
4. High school was: non-existent. I went to a senior school. It's since been closed down.
5. I will never forget: that I'm a Kirkby Girl. Unless I get Alzheimer's in which case I'm hoping I believe I'm Jackie Onassis.
6. Once I met: Batman. I won't say which incarnation.
7. There’s this girl I know: who would relish the chance to go to a Royal Garden Party.
8. Once, at a bar: I saw Samuel L Jackson.
9. By noon, I’m usually: Drinking tea, surfing the net, avoiding work.
10. Last night: a DJ saved my life.11. If only I had: been a bit shorter I could have had Bridget Fonda's role in Scandal.
12. Next time I go to church: I hope it's in Rome.
13. What worries me most: is something horrible happening to my kids.
14. When I turn my head left I see: a fantastic map of the world that was used daily by a shipping company.
15. When I turn my head right I see: the magic cupboard. It contains everything you need.
16. You know I’m lying when: I fill in stuff like this. Or do you?
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: My rakish figure.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Yorick. Who cares?
19. By this time next year: I'll have that rakish figure back.
20. A better name for me would be: I have all the nom de plumes I could wish for.
21. I have a hard time understanding: Golf. And all it stands for.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be a grade A student.
23. You know I like you if: I ask questions. I'm interested.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: Certainly not God.
25. Take my advice, never: get your teeth whitened.
26. My ideal breakfast is: The Guardian, earl grey tea, croissants.
27. A song I love but do not have is: "Ain't Nobody" by Chaka Khan.
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: Go to the Everyman Bistro.
29. Why won’t people: be nicer to each other.
30. If you spend a night at my house: I hope you like earl grey tea.
31. I’d stop my wedding for: a cup of earl grey.
32. The world could do without: Cancer.
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Vote Tory.
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: me…
35. Paper clips are more useful than: tetra packs.
36. If I do anything well it’s: have a laugh.
37. I usually cry: at the beginning of It's a Wonderful Life.
38. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: would be to do it all.
39. And by the way: I tried to say I'd be there.
Oh, she said it was okay to steal it. And so did the person she stole it from. So, feel free. And let me know what you think.
1. My uncle once: led a double life, like a soap cliché.
2. Never in my life: will I vote Tory.
3. When I was five: I looked like one of The Children of the Damned.
4. High school was: non-existent. I went to a senior school. It's since been closed down.
5. I will never forget: that I'm a Kirkby Girl. Unless I get Alzheimer's in which case I'm hoping I believe I'm Jackie Onassis.
6. Once I met: Batman. I won't say which incarnation.
7. There’s this girl I know: who would relish the chance to go to a Royal Garden Party.
8. Once, at a bar: I saw Samuel L Jackson.
9. By noon, I’m usually: Drinking tea, surfing the net, avoiding work.
10. Last night: a DJ saved my life.11. If only I had: been a bit shorter I could have had Bridget Fonda's role in Scandal.
12. Next time I go to church: I hope it's in Rome.
13. What worries me most: is something horrible happening to my kids.
14. When I turn my head left I see: a fantastic map of the world that was used daily by a shipping company.
15. When I turn my head right I see: the magic cupboard. It contains everything you need.
16. You know I’m lying when: I fill in stuff like this. Or do you?
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: My rakish figure.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Yorick. Who cares?
19. By this time next year: I'll have that rakish figure back.
20. A better name for me would be: I have all the nom de plumes I could wish for.
21. I have a hard time understanding: Golf. And all it stands for.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be a grade A student.
23. You know I like you if: I ask questions. I'm interested.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: Certainly not God.
25. Take my advice, never: get your teeth whitened.
26. My ideal breakfast is: The Guardian, earl grey tea, croissants.
27. A song I love but do not have is: "Ain't Nobody" by Chaka Khan.
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: Go to the Everyman Bistro.
29. Why won’t people: be nicer to each other.
30. If you spend a night at my house: I hope you like earl grey tea.
31. I’d stop my wedding for: a cup of earl grey.
32. The world could do without: Cancer.
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Vote Tory.
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: me…
35. Paper clips are more useful than: tetra packs.
36. If I do anything well it’s: have a laugh.
37. I usually cry: at the beginning of It's a Wonderful Life.
38. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: would be to do it all.
39. And by the way: I tried to say I'd be there.
Oh, she said it was okay to steal it. And so did the person she stole it from. So, feel free. And let me know what you think.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Coming soon...
Does anyone care? Has anyone missed me? What's been happening while I was away?
Well she's still blogging. He's started blogging and James Corden has made a twat out of himself by slagging off Hollyoaks and a job he had eight whole years ago. Get over yourself.
But more on that...and my tales from LA, Las Vegas and San Francisco over the weekend.
It's good to be back.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
And there was me thinking it was going to be traumatic...
So it seems I've discovered a way to stop all those vile and horrible feelings of inadequacy and self hatred when you're off out bikini shopping.
Just abandon all shame and take a bored and irritated 15 year old with you. Once you've decided you don't care what you look like because you'll be so far out of your usual comfort and time zone and the said 15 year old has had enough of shopping and grunts that "are you getting that one, then hurry up" in a Kevin fashion, then it's simple.
Voila - in my mind when I hit Venice Beach I should look something like the picture on the right. Ha. If I don't look down or in a mirror/window. Oh, who cares? It may have taken over 20 years to realise, but only me. And now I'm past caring so precisely no one cares. Also if I tell the Lovely Boyfriend that I look like a Bond Girl enough times, he'll start believing it. Or rather, he's so lovely he'll just give the right answer the first time.
And yes, that really is the bikini I came home with today. Now there's just the small problem of the holiday photos...
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Ground Control to Animal Disco
The laptop says it's 00:53. I'm in bed with a magazine and two newspapers and the work for the week is done. Hurrah. I've just treated myself to episode four of Summer Heights High and the only reason I've been tempted to blog at this hour is so that a certain Scouse expat can wake up (hopefully without a tight throat...) and smell the coffee. Dollface is ready for battle again.
I caused murder at the Animal Disco when I admitted to buying the Daily Mail occasionally. Ha. I love a good fight. And now that I've learned to share links (yay) maybe we can spread a little...unhappiness?
So what have I been up to? Is anyone interested? I'm wondering whether my time spent blogging (or not) would be better served writing a play/novel/film. Hmm. My daughter turned 18. That was fantastic. My son wants a dog. That will be a no. And my new stainless steel worktops are beautiful and mean I will have to stay home forever (basically because I can't afford to do anything else now...) and learn to cook and polish them until my hands are raw. Wait now, that might be far too white, middle class ladies who lunch for a certain commenter at the Animal Disco. If that doesn't make sense, see the previous link and go to the I Love David post.
I'm sure I've been doing lots of other exciting things too. Oh yeah, today I had a traumatic experience involving a smear test and an incompetent nurse. Does that count and is it too much information. Like I care...
I caused murder at the Animal Disco when I admitted to buying the Daily Mail occasionally. Ha. I love a good fight. And now that I've learned to share links (yay) maybe we can spread a little...unhappiness?
So what have I been up to? Is anyone interested? I'm wondering whether my time spent blogging (or not) would be better served writing a play/novel/film. Hmm. My daughter turned 18. That was fantastic. My son wants a dog. That will be a no. And my new stainless steel worktops are beautiful and mean I will have to stay home forever (basically because I can't afford to do anything else now...) and learn to cook and polish them until my hands are raw. Wait now, that might be far too white, middle class ladies who lunch for a certain commenter at the Animal Disco. If that doesn't make sense, see the previous link and go to the I Love David post.
I'm sure I've been doing lots of other exciting things too. Oh yeah, today I had a traumatic experience involving a smear test and an incompetent nurse. Does that count and is it too much information. Like I care...
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